play a melody that everyone knows.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

two days of tormenting. my heart, my mind, my soul, went all the way down.

i hear people saying how well they could have done. i hear how many A1s they've achieved. i hear people punching very hard on the calculator, followed by loud exclamation of their L1R5. i hear everything.

but does anyone realise i'm just beside them, listening to them? each and every word that came out of their mouth took chunks of me away. they've got their A1s already and yet they still wish they've got better results. their victory. their joy. none of which i shared.

everyone says they think they're going to do badly for the paper. i spoke nothing. when the scripts are returned, why am i the only one who does badly?

everyone claims that for this prelims, they have not put in their best. i spoke nothing. when they counted their L1R5, why am the i only one who scores way higher than them?

i don't understand, really. two days straight and i have not been feeling well. mentally, that is.

i saw mr cheong yesterday evening. he asked me why i was crying when i got a B3 for my chem. tell me reasons not to cry when the 95% of the class scored distinctions for that. how can i not be sad. how can i not feel left out from the class. how can i not feel dumb.

everywhere i am, everyone's talking about their results. guess what, i'm demoralised, totally!

i thought i could have been stronger. i thought it was just prelims. i thought i could be better. but i was just so wrong.

nevermind me. i'll be fine soon.

le noir;
9:32 AM